me: A Blog

I don't think I can do a blog post today. Complete sentences are not my forte today. Jell-O has replaced any brain matter I may have had. But I'm quite OK with that. I think it would be quite the experience to travel through life too dumb and oblivious to how dumb and oblivious I am. Maybe that's the true meaning of life? Secret to happiness? Nirvana? Seriously, think about it. The hardest part about being vapid is knowing it. Having knowledge of your own lack of intelligence, zest for life, brightness, IQ, etc., takes all the fun out of it. If you are truly clueless, truly don't care that C comes after B, imagine the possibilities.

Stress is really stressing me out. Normally when I feel stressed it's for a reason. A reason. Not just because. Lately, it's stress "just because" and I am frantically trying to find the reason for it. I'm not being successful with that and that too is stressing me out. There's a sense of foreboding but also a sense of unease (which is pretty close on the synonym scale to foreboding, I know) and a sense of dread (again, I know) and a sense of pressure....OK, you get the point. I'm pretending it's not there. Sort of like when your grandma farts and stinks up Thanksgiving dinner. Everyone just pauses, maybe clears their throat, sips their wine and continues like no one's hair just got curled. That's where I am right now. Stuck in the middle of turkey dinner with a gassy old woman. Of course there's school (always a strain) and work (ditto) and money (hahahaha)a and everything else that simmers in my head. But I have added something to the po...

Summer is over, or so it would appear as I look out my window and see clouds and know it's an autumnal 57 degrees. What a word, autumnal. No one I know ever uses that word in real conversation. Seemed appropriate here though. Autumnal... hmmm... School starts tomorrow and I have a sense of dread going into it. Anytime the professor sends an email the Friday before class that basically says "Hold on to your hats, it's gonna be a bumpy ride" I get a tad nervous. He calls the course demanding and challenging. Crap! I really am not in the mood for demanding and challenging at the moment. But I've read 3 of the 30 pages I'm supposed to read by Wednesday. The discussion board has due dates for every post and it appears I am going to be a busy gal. Crapola. I'm still feeling restless about me. I want to do something but I don't know what that something is. I don't even know if it has to be something important or mundane. Maybe I just need a t...

I view email and texting as forms of drunken sex. Drunken sex is the sex you would have if your sober sense of self would let you let loose. Whether it's trying a new position or a new partner, drunken sex opens up a world of possibilities, thanks to too many vodkas. When you're 3 sheets to the wind, who cares if your panties are revolving on the ceiling fan of some stranger's bedroom? It's when the deed is done, and he's passed out that the sober sense of self goes "Holy shit! What the hell is that?!" and you tiptoe out as quietly and quickly as possible. If need be, sacrificing your underwear in the process. When it comes to email - and especially texting - it's much too easy to let loose. Fingers go wild on the keyboard when the glow of the screen is all you can see. That glow is the cyberspace equivalent of too many vodkas. Hurtful words are easier typed than said. Propositions and profanity flow more freely. And it's only when you hear the ...

I'm finally home for what appears to be a couple months and I don't know what to do. Well, let me rephrase - I know what to do: vacuum, clean the bathrooms/basement/kitchen, tidy up the front yard, paint the garage, reacquaint myself with the grocery store...but I don't know what to do FIRST. Hell, I'm sitting here staring at the list and instead of tackling even one of the projects, I am lolly-gagging around by typing about my lack of motivation. I think I'm feeling whelmed. Not overly, yet, just a tad whelmed. I have been so busy I've neglected me and my life for a few months that starting to pay attention to all of that seems daunting. I'm blaming my recent vacation. Last week I took a wonderful cruise with my niece. We spent a week cruising the Caribbean: Grand Cayman, Isla Roatan (Honduras), Belize, Cozumel and it was a much needed relief. Although I could have paid through the nose to make/take calls, I turned my cell phone off. So no cell phone, and, ...

My house is a mess. How can that be? I haven't lived in it for almost a month. My 8-pound cat has been here, but how she could wreak this much havoc, I have no idea. So - to clean or not to clean? That is the question. I am home for five days before I take off for 10. What does the gambler in me do? Live in a mess for five more days knowing in 16 I will come home to a HUGE mess to clean? Or do I clean tomorrow to live relatively tranquilly for four days knowing I'll have another mess on my hands when I return, but that the mess I'll return to if I clean will be less heinous than the one I would have if I just sat around on my butt all day tomorrow. Decisions, decisions. I am going to clean tomorrow, but even pretending for a minute I could handle living this way for another week is a bit freeing. Seriously, Simba and I won't have company this week. No one will ever know I need to dust and vacuum. No one will know before I can vacuum I will need to move the su...

I am finally enjoying peace and quiet. It's been a long haul planning this conference - more than a year - but the event went swimmingly. We took care of more than 440 people in Jackson and I don't think there were any curve balls thrown that we didn't have an idea were coming. Today is the first day in a long time where everything I've thought about, done or knew I had to do was for the conference in Jackson. Now what? My priorities are now allowed to go back to normal. That could be interesting; I'm not sure what they are anymore. I have a real job I haven't done for some time. At least two months. Heaven only knows what I'll find after I clean the cobwebs from my office. There are exercises to be done, articles to write, staff to supervise, projects to complete (or should I say "start") and I feel like I have no idea where to begin.

Yesterday I was one of those people who appears to have all the time in the world at an airport. I was one of them yesterday because I can’t seem to take care of my own travel arrangements. Give me 20 people and I’ll make sure they are good to go. Ask me when I leave DCA and the only number sticking in my head is 0700. Being the good little traveler I am up at 0415 to ensure I hit the airport 2 hours prior to my flight. The hotel shuttle driver even commenting on how busy the airport was that morning was a huge vindication for the ungodly hour. “Good job,” I think to myself, “you will be able to get in and relax after the security line gaggle.” Visions of Bloody Mary breakfasts dancing through my head. Then I round the corner and see the empty ticket counter. The maze of poles isn’t even in place. Hmmm…I’m not the brightest in the morning, so I decide a gander at my ticket would be in order. “Sometimes I fly out on a different carrier,” I think to myself. Then I find my ticket. I was r...

Did lunch with Dad today. We try to do lunch a couple times a month. We vary between Italian and Chinese (Mom hates both). Today I chose the chi-knee boo-fay. I was craving rice over portabello mushroom ravioli. The food was typical. Not bad. Not great. The fortune however, that was a different matter. It sucked. I prefer fortune cookies with fortunes in them. "The man of your dreams will find you tomorrow." is much more fun - if totally full of shit - than something insipid (who uses that word on a daily basis?) that tries way too hard to be profound like "As the purse is emptied the heart is filled." What the...?! I think fortune cookie writers should be fired if they choose to attempt profundity (I no one uses that word on a daily basis) vs. giving readers some good ol' fashioned fun. Let loose for God sake! Tell me something fun and exciting is right around the corner. It's a 20 cent cookie, no one is going to sue if Mr. Right doesn't com...

I ran across this clip on YouTube and laughed. I had to pull the DVD out and watch this movie. Again. For the umpteenth time. But really, it's just too funny to not enjoy each time I watch it. Another favorite moment is in the middle of the showstopping musical number "Knights of the Round Table" when the poor dude hanging in the dungeon claps. Now that's damn funny.

This is what my deck looked like yesterday. I don't believe decks should look like this anytime after mid-March - and even then, that's pushing it. And if my deck is going to look like this in April (or at anytime, really), it better look like that on a friggin' work day. NOT on a Saturday. Although this happened Saturday when I was trying to be to work at 7 a.m., I guess it sort of counts. Except that a blizzard on a drill weekend isn't really like having a blizzard on a Tuesday. And I got stuck in my driveway. Thankfully the neighbor down the alley was also up and out shovelling at the ungodly hour of 6:30 a.m. and felt sorry enough for me to come push me back in the garage. So I just put on my sweats and poured a Bloody Mary. Because my deck looked like this all day yesterday, I did absolutely nothing. No housework. No homework. Nothing. Simba and I cuddled on the chair and channel surfed. And napped. Twice. Today my deck still pretty much looks like this picture, e...

I feel like a rebel. I'm home sick. I haven't taken a sick day in years. Not even a fake one. Hmmm... I'm not really prepared to be sick. There are only a few drugs in the house (case in point - I just took a Tylenol Sinus PM, I'm sure I'll be out like a light soon), I have no good "I'm home sick" food (frosted flakes, mac & cheese) and daytime TV is not exactly great company; had I planned this, I would have bought a book. A couple nights ago I woke with a piercing sinus headache on the left side of my head. It's been there in various stages of "Ow" since. Today I said screw it and let the sinus win. Of course I checked my calendar first to be sure being sick wouldn't interfere with anything at work. And can someone ever really be sick when the big blackberry server in the Canadian tundra is up and running? Email traffic is work, right? So really, I'm teleworking today. And making tacos. In my jammies.

There's something about not wearing underwear that makes you appreciate kegel exercises. Today I went commando. No big deal. People do it all the time. I've dated two guys who thought underwear was a two-word question. But when you're not wearing panties - or gramma undies - or a thong - or boy shorts - or hipsters - or tap pants - and you're talking to the boss and there's that little voice in your head that goes "Naughty girl!" (my little voice sounds like Austin Powers), and then you sneeze, well... that's when you say a quick thank you to Dr. Kegel for figuring out that squeeze thing. See, I have to do laundry. I've had to do laundry for a couple days. I figured that out when yesterday I realized I would have to wear the most uncomfortable pair of hooker underwear I own. I figured it would be OK; I've worn them before, just not to work. And not all day. Uh, no. Trust me when I say that piece of lace isn't made to actually be on for mor...

Wow. Look what happens when your friends guilt you (in a good way) to joining the 21st Century: You find out you joined almost two years ago and forgot about it. Either I'm a trend setter or am going insane. You pick. So...here I am. I'm avoiding homework, which is becoming my newest hobby - and I'm very good at it. My final is due Friday. I have plenty of time. Hours. And, thanks to the birthday party last week, a few bottles of wine. With wine and hours, if I can't pull out a comparison between tainted corned beef and New Orleans' levee breaks, no one can. Alright. Here I am. Again.