Topic of thought tonight: honesty. Is it the best policy? Always? Or does timing, location, and obv, word choice make a difference?
Does honesty + timing + location = judgement?
Take this scenario that may or may not have been a personal experience. Trent (fake name to protect the not so innocent) and I met in a hotel for mid-week sex. Hotel sex? On a Wednesday? Sweet! I was pumped. Wore matching undies and, sit down for this, shaved my legs. Was anticipating a pillow-biting, headboard-banging, banshee moaning evening. I got 3 minutes. Tops.
Honesty: "Trent, last night was not the best sex we've had." (said in the morning while brushing my teeth)
Judgement: "Three minutes? Seriously?" (said at minute 4 as he begins to snore on my chest)
Emotional intelligence and rational thinking were two attributes - when it comes to honesty - my friend said, are two keys to honest communication. I couldn't agree more.
We also agreed the problem lies in that everyone claims honesty is important but no one wants to admit to the tiny practically invisible * that follows.
Honesty* meaning "I think honesty is important except when it comes to me." Too many people take location and timing into account when someone they adore is honest.
But back to my example scenario. If Trent had any emotional intelligence or was capable of rational thought, he most likely would have taken care of me after his 3 minutes of unbridled joy were complete. Even better, said something like "Hey, sorry. I know that stunk. It was a warm up - let's go again." Of course that would have meant he didn't start snoring ... but that's another post.
So screw Trent. Or, better yet, don't. Or if you do, shaving is definitely not required. Back to honesty.
I do like honesty. I believe it's rooted in trust. And trust is more of a factor in honesty than timing. No matter the timing, if trust is present, honesty is never judgment.
Trust is the key factor. If I trust you, I expect honesty. Doesn't mean it won't sting when the person I trust says I need to lose weight or my feet smell or the food was over-salted. It just means the food was salty. While it may call my cooking technique into question it doesn't mean they see me less of a person. It means they feel comfortable enough to share an opinion about which I can benefit. It doesn't mean they only see me as fat, stinky over-salter of food. It just means maybe I should quit acting like Bobby Flay.
And throw my favorite red ballet flats away.
And go to the gym more.
Does honesty + timing + location = judgement?
Take this scenario that may or may not have been a personal experience. Trent (fake name to protect the not so innocent) and I met in a hotel for mid-week sex. Hotel sex? On a Wednesday? Sweet! I was pumped. Wore matching undies and, sit down for this, shaved my legs. Was anticipating a pillow-biting, headboard-banging, banshee moaning evening. I got 3 minutes. Tops.
Honesty: "Trent, last night was not the best sex we've had." (said in the morning while brushing my teeth)
Judgement: "Three minutes? Seriously?" (said at minute 4 as he begins to snore on my chest)
Emotional intelligence and rational thinking were two attributes - when it comes to honesty - my friend said, are two keys to honest communication. I couldn't agree more.
We also agreed the problem lies in that everyone claims honesty is important but no one wants to admit to the tiny practically invisible * that follows.
Honesty* meaning "I think honesty is important except when it comes to me." Too many people take location and timing into account when someone they adore is honest.
But back to my example scenario. If Trent had any emotional intelligence or was capable of rational thought, he most likely would have taken care of me after his 3 minutes of unbridled joy were complete. Even better, said something like "Hey, sorry. I know that stunk. It was a warm up - let's go again." Of course that would have meant he didn't start snoring ... but that's another post.
So screw Trent. Or, better yet, don't. Or if you do, shaving is definitely not required. Back to honesty.
I do like honesty. I believe it's rooted in trust. And trust is more of a factor in honesty than timing. No matter the timing, if trust is present, honesty is never judgment.
Trust is the key factor. If I trust you, I expect honesty. Doesn't mean it won't sting when the person I trust says I need to lose weight or my feet smell or the food was over-salted. It just means the food was salty. While it may call my cooking technique into question it doesn't mean they see me less of a person. It means they feel comfortable enough to share an opinion about which I can benefit. It doesn't mean they only see me as fat, stinky over-salter of food. It just means maybe I should quit acting like Bobby Flay.
And throw my favorite red ballet flats away.
And go to the gym more.
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